"You’re listening to Por Qué-Pop. Nothing but existential Spanish language hits about nothing. All of the it’s all meaningless time"
I’m pretty sure my spirit animal is the bear in Oregon Trail that gets shot long after Life has already shot more meat than it can carry back.
Internationally Certified Crow Breeder
Los Angeles - Tokyo
"I’m in the Murder Business!"
Though I wasn’t allowed to play violent video games growing up, I did set the high score in Duke Diplomatic Sanction’em
I come krom a brofen home row.
Scorpion: Get over here!
Me: Get over here what?
Scorpion: Get over here please!
Me: That’s bet- *gets jugular impaled by some kinda insect string*
"Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as hiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-!!!!" - Icarus
"Schizophrenic Selfie" is easily my favorite grindcore band that doesn’t exist.
"I’m gonna rob a Banksy" - Modern Day Thief.
"I’m gonna a rob a bank, see" - Old Timey Thief.
"If you call the birth of your child an ‘Unboxing,’ you may just be a Redditor" - Internet Comic Jeff Upworthy
Can you contract Hulkamania from a toilet seat? Asking for a brother.
Chekhov’s Nun dictates that, if you dare introduce a nun in the first ‘Sister Act,’ she must not be used in a third one.
Destiny’s Food Baby
Hootie and the Pescatarian
De La Soul Cycle
Morris Day and the Thyme
Pornos for Gyros
For Whom The Bell Trolls
The Hobbit Coin
The TARDIS And The Hare
I Know Why The Caged Angry Bird Slings
Tinker Tailer Soldier Spyware
I Am @ Charlotte Simmons
REMoirs Of A Geisha
How Stella Got Her Groupon Back
The Cat In The SnapChat
The Girl With The Sysco The Dragon Tattoo
Something Wiki This Way Comes
A Separate PC
The Clipart Of Darkness
Of Cordless Mice Of Men
"I’m not here to start no trouble, I’m just here to do the Super Shuffle!" - My ice breaker, if I ever go to jail.