January 2011
32 posts
Awful @oldpickuplines
Do you have senior passes? … To the antique firearm exhibit!
Awful @modernistmusic
Many scholars have dogmatically dismissed the redeeming philosophical value of Soulja Boy’s “Crank That,” however I contend the lyric, “watch me crank dat Soulja Boy then watch me Superman dat oh” is easily the funnest and catchiest commentary on Nietzche’s Ubermensch to date.
Awful @hypotheticalquestions
Let’s just put a pin in the whole Chicken-Egg dilemma. What came first, the centaur or the lonely and disturbingly experimental stable boy?
Awful @sensingaccomplishment
Whenever I use someone’s toilet and it flushes successfully, I pump my fist as if I sank a 25 foot putt.
Awful @thespinzone
Hormonal teenagers afflicted with vertigo like to play The Bottle at parties.
Awful @yellowborders
A lot of National Geographic stock photos available for purchase depict impoverished Africans bathing and using the bathroom in the same watermark.
Awful @puttinglotiononitsskin
Street beggars can’t be choosers. But they can be pickers if they have scabies induced scabs.
Awful @breakingnews
AP: Helpless Fat Ass Demands Someone To Take This Bag of Chips Away From Him Before He Eats Them All. Like, Seriously Guys.
Awful @havingatrainedear
I’m sure I’m not alone, but in their classic single “Bad Moon Rising” I always think CCR is singing “there’s a bathhouse filled with depraved sodomites to your immediate left”
Awful @havingatrainedear
I’m sure I’m not alone, but in their classic single “Bad Moon Rising” I always think CCR is singing “there’s a bathhouse filled with depraved sodomites to your immediate left”
Awful @beinghardcore
I’m forming the first Posthumous Metal band and calling it Emily Dickinson’s Sin Tax.
Awful @beinghardcore
I’m forming the first Posthumous Metal band and calling it Emily Dickinson’s Sin Tax.
Awful @civildiscourse
I hope everybody spent MLK Day on Twitter judging users on the content of their characters.
Awful @opticalillusions
In my view, any model can smile with her eyes, but only the supermodel can perform oral sex with her pupils.
Awful @quotingsartre
Hell is other people who excitedly proclaim, “I love this song!” at Chili’s. That’s my thing.
Awful @lookingunderthec
On the surface, mermaids are seemingly beautiful and whimsical creatures, however it is difficult not to imagine how badly those rough seashell bras must chafe and, ultimately, deform their nipples.
Awful @opticalillusions
In my view, any model can smile with her eyes, but only the supermodel can perform oral sex with her pupils.
Awful @bartering
Do you think the Puritans ceased Burning Woman due to lack of commercial interest, bathrooms, or parking spaces?
Awful @bartering
Do you think Pilgrims ceased Burning Woman due to lack of commerical interest or parking space?
Awful @pickuplines
Did it hurt? … Your fall from Heaven … because I just read Milton’s “Paradise Lost” and you’re exactly how I pictured the satan character.
Awful @pickuplines
Did it hurt? … Your fall from Heaven … because I just read Milton’s “Paradise Lost” and you’re exactly how I pictured the Satan character.
Awful @dirtydancing
Even if I wanted to put baby in the corner, I couldn’t because that is clearly the designated aborted fetus area.
Awful @scientificinquiry
How long does it take for a person with Parkinson’s to realize he’s in an earthquake?
Awful @dirtydancing
Even if I wanted to put baby in the corner, I couldn’t because that is clearly the designated aborted fetus area.
Awful @scientificinquiry
How long does it take for a person with Parkinson’s to realize they’re in an earthquake?
Awful @gettingladylove
“Ya Cool Ha” is either incomprehensible English or a phonetically correct Spanish speaker’s answer to “who sang ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’?”
Awful @surfandturf
Upon yet a another viewing of the third Fast and Furious movie, I still can’t decide who is a better drifter, the Yakuza connected Japanese street racer or a politically dissident Cuban?
Awful @eternalstruggles
Only the lazy frown upon obsession. Although, an exception can be made for the eccentric mathematician who sought such an elusive, life defining breakthrough that he killed his wife and immediately committed suicide just so he could finally determine if the circles of Hell were concentric.
Awful @distinctions
Perverts have spank banks. Artists have a mindful of masturbatory muses.
Awful @eternalstruggles
Only the lazy frown upon obsession. Although, an exception can be made for the eccentric mathematician who sought such an elusive, life defining breakthrough that he killed his wife and immediately committed suicide just so he could determine if the circles of Hell were concentric.
Awful @distinctions
Perverts have spank banks. Artists have a mindful of mastabatory muses.
Awful @rhymeandreason
If I were a rapper, I would call myself Enigmatic and would lyricize about makin’ it evaporate and my desire for a woman who is a freak in the streets but a lady in bed.